plain jane glory

I was thinking the other day about how I have become immensely inarticulate. Or perhaps I never was. (I like to think that in high school I could express myself with a little more finesse.) Somewhere, I have lost that skill. I think it had something to do with losing my self-confidence at college, and now that I'm finally recovering from that fall I am ready to tackle eloquence. My theory is that by writing more I will regain my way with words. So maybe I am saying that I plan to update this blog more. Or maybe I won't.

We're in the final stretch. 5 weeks from today I will be in Beloit, or possibly Stoughton, trying to forget those essays I scrambled to finish or the resonance structure I definitely drew wrong. Five weeks seems quite short. Really, this entire year seems far too short in retrospect. I am sad because several of the things that I really like about this year will come to an end: Friends will graduate and I will have to pack up this beautiful room and say goodbye to my skyline. I've learned loads of things this year. Predictably, not just about chemistry, but also about life. I think I'm finally understanding how other people think in a way that isn't constantly plagued with self-doubt. I feel like I'm finding my place. I feel at home arguing about chemistry. It's something I understand. Mechanisms are logical in a way that political theory never was to me. I am glad that this reduces my likelihood of failing out of college. But I am also concerned that my lack of interest in the humanities says something terrible about my brain. I often find I have nothing to say to anyone that isn't somehow related to school. I won't try to argue that I used to be more charismatic. I don't think that is an adjective anyone will ever use to describe my shy personality. (Today someone called me bold. Predictably, it was in chemistry. It was nice.)

I don't have much else to say. I suppose this post has been a rather pretentious exercise. Alas, you must start somewhere.

love love love,

sara